CRUCIFEROUS HOLDINGS
INTERNATIONAL
Monumental curly kale leaf illuminated like a luxury botanical sculpture
THE WORLD’S MOST UNNECESSARILY POWERFUL VEGETABLEEST. 2008 / EVERYWHERE

Big Kale.
Small world.

A better tomorrow.
Whether you like it or not.

Shop the resistance ↗Explore the corporation ↓
+SPECIMEN 001
BRASSICA OLERACEA
STATUS: IN CONTROL
CRUCIFEROUS HOLDINGS INTERNATIONALA SNACKHOLE® PARODY
01 / THE CORPORATIONVERTICALLY INTEGRATED. MORALLY FLEXIBLE.

From buffet garnish
to global influence.

Some see a vegetable. We see an opportunity to restructure society around a vegetable.

We put kale in your grocery store. Your smoothie. Your mother’s group chat. Not because you asked. Because we care.

Meet your new ecosystem ↗
$4.7BIn leafy green research*
50+States. Do not count them.
100%Of our studies agree with us.
0Lawsuits we acknowledge.

*FICTIONAL FIGURES. GENUINE CORPORATE ENERGY.

02 / RESEARCH & INFLUENCETHE DATA IS GREEN.

Trust the science.
We bought it.

Our research is independent of everything except our funding. Adjust the investment. Observe a breakthrough.

Inside the institute ↗
†

Every study is peer-reviewed.
Every peer is on the payroll.

INDEPENDENT RESEARCH SIMULATORLAB / 004
ScienceOur science
PEER REVIEWED BY OUR PEERS

Kale is the future.

Of nutrition. Of civilization. Of this research department's funding.

FICTIONAL RESEARCH. REAL CONFLICT OF INTEREST.
03 / RADICAL TRANSPARENCYPLEASE DO NOT READ.

Nothing to hide.
Several things to redact.

The documents below do not exist.
Click to read them.

CHI–001 / A FICTIONAL LEAK

The garnish-to-superfood pipeline

INTERNAL MEMO / BRAND STRATEGY

Phase 1: remove kale from the buffet.
Phase 2: put it in a cup.
Phase 3: charge nine dollars.

Do not change the leaf. Change the lighting.

If anyone asks about taste, say 'nutrient density'.
Wear the evidence ↗
THE RESISTANCE / UNAUTHORIZED APPARELISSUED BY SNACKHOLE®

Dress like you
know too much.

Big Kale owns the narrative.
Snackhole® makes the counterargument.

The full resistance collection ↗

Black or Forest · Classic cotton · S–3XL. Select your size and color at Snackhole®. Printed to order. Secure checkout there.

A SNACKHOLE® PRODUCTION

They have the leaf.
You have the shirt.

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A very serious disagreement. Excellent merchandise.