THIS IS NOT A CONSPIRACY\u25C6TRUST THE LEAF\u25C6PROJECT CHLOROPHYLL DOES NOT EXIST\u25C6KALE IS A RIGHT, NOT A PRIVILEGE\u25C6THE FUTURE IS LEAFY™\u25C60 ACTIVE LAWSUITS (THAT WE ARE AWARE OF)\u25C6NOURISHING TOMORROW. TODAY.™\u25C6BIG KALE IS WATCHING\u25C6YOUR COMPLIANCE HAS BEEN NOTED\u25C6NOTHING TO SEE HERE\u25C6THIS IS NOT A CONSPIRACY\u25C6TRUST THE LEAF\u25C6PROJECT CHLOROPHYLL DOES NOT EXIST\u25C6KALE IS A RIGHT, NOT A PRIVILEGE\u25C6THE FUTURE IS LEAFY™\u25C60 ACTIVE LAWSUITS (THAT WE ARE AWARE OF)\u25C6NOURISHING TOMORROW. TODAY.™\u25C6BIG KALE IS WATCHING\u25C6YOUR COMPLIANCE HAS BEEN NOTED\u25C6NOTHING TO SEE HERE\u25C6
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What is Snackhole?

Peer-Reviewed* Research

The Science

*Reviewed by our peers. Who are also our employees.

The Evidence

Published Research

Our findings have been published in journals we either founded, funded, or are the sole subscribers of.

Brassica Oleracea Supplementation and Cognitive Enhancement: A Longitudinal Study

Ashford, V., Voss, H., et al. (2024) — Journal of Cruciferous Sciences

Study participants: 3 humans, 1 hamster. The hamster showed the most improvement. The humans were not available for follow-up. The hamster is now running our Reno office.

Funded by: Cruciferous Holdings Research DivisionPeer reviewed by Dr. Ashford’s book club (4 stars on Goodreads)

Kale Consumption Correlates with Improved Life Satisfaction: A Cruciferous Holdings-Funded Analysis

Voss, H., Chen, M. (2023) — International Review of Vegetable Feelings

Participants who ate kale daily reported 340% higher life satisfaction. Participants who did not eat kale were not invited back. We wish them well, wherever they are.

Funded by: Cruciferous Holdings Research DivisionReviewed by an independent panel (of our employees)

The Neurological Case for Mandatory Kale: A Policy Whitepaper

Ashford, V. (2025) — Self-Published

This paper proposes a federal kale minimum, similar to the federal minimum wage but more important. Dr. Ashford argues that kale should be a constitutional right. The Supreme Court has not returned our calls.

Funded by: Cruciferous Holdings Government Relations DivisionRejected by 14 journals. Published by us. You’re welcome.

Why Kale Tastes Bad And Why That’s Your Fault: A Comprehensive Palate Analysis

Rootwell, D., Whitmore, B. III (2024) — Cruciferous Quarterly

A comprehensive analysis concluding that if you don’t like kale, the problem is your palate, your upbringing, and possibly your character. Participants who disliked kale were found to have ‘fundamentally unserious taste buds.’

Funded by: Cruciferous Holdings Consumer Reeducation DivisionReviewed by kale

Per 1 Cup Raw Kale

Nutrition Facts

Numbers this impressive practically market themselves.

684%
Vitamin K

MORE THAN YOU COULD POSSIBLY NEED. You are welcome.

206%
Vitamin A

Your eyes will thank you. Assuming they can handle this much gratitude.

134%
Vitamin C

Oranges are shaking. Literally trembling.

25%
Calcium

Contains calcium. Like bones. Kale is basically bones.

11%
Iron

More iron per calorie than beef. We bring this up at every party.

3.6g
Fiber

Your digestive system will write us a thank-you letter.

Essential Reading

Download Our Whitepaper

THE FUTURE IS LEAFY™

Download PDF (47 Pages)

By downloading, you agree that kale is the most important food and that you will tell at least 3 people about it.