Peer-Reviewed* Research
The Science
*Reviewed by our peers. Who are also our employees.
Published Research
Our findings have been published in journals we either founded, funded, or are the sole subscribers of.
Brassica Oleracea Supplementation and Cognitive Enhancement: A Longitudinal Study
Ashford, V., Voss, H., et al. (2024) — Journal of Cruciferous Sciences
Study participants: 3 humans, 1 hamster. The hamster showed the most improvement. The humans were not available for follow-up. The hamster is now running our Reno office.
Kale Consumption Correlates with Improved Life Satisfaction: A Cruciferous Holdings-Funded Analysis
Voss, H., Chen, M. (2023) — International Review of Vegetable Feelings
Participants who ate kale daily reported 340% higher life satisfaction. Participants who did not eat kale were not invited back. We wish them well, wherever they are.
The Neurological Case for Mandatory Kale: A Policy Whitepaper
Ashford, V. (2025) — Self-Published
This paper proposes a federal kale minimum, similar to the federal minimum wage but more important. Dr. Ashford argues that kale should be a constitutional right. The Supreme Court has not returned our calls.
Why Kale Tastes Bad And Why That’s Your Fault: A Comprehensive Palate Analysis
Rootwell, D., Whitmore, B. III (2024) — Cruciferous Quarterly
A comprehensive analysis concluding that if you don’t like kale, the problem is your palate, your upbringing, and possibly your character. Participants who disliked kale were found to have ‘fundamentally unserious taste buds.’
Nutrition Facts
Per 1 cup of raw kale. Numbers this impressive practically market themselves.
MORE THAN YOU COULD POSSIBLY NEED. You are welcome.
Your eyes will thank you. Assuming they can handle this much gratitude.
Oranges are shaking. Literally trembling.
Contains calcium. Like bones. Kale is basically bones.
More iron per calorie than beef. We bring this up at every party.
Your digestive system will write us a thank-you letter.
Download Our Whitepaper
THE FUTURE IS LEAFY™
Download PDF (47 Pages)By downloading, you agree that kale is the most important food and that you will tell at least 3 people about it.