Our Story
About Us
Our Story
Cruciferous Holdings International was founded in 2008 by a group of visionary nutritional scientists, agricultural innovators, and one retired senator who believed America was making a terrible mistake by not eating more kale.
At the time, kale was used primarily as a decorative garnish at Pizza Hut salad bars. We saw potential where others saw a leaf nobody asked for.
Leadership Team
The finest minds in cruciferous science, logistics, and legal intimidation.
Dr. Victoria Ashford
Chief Nutrition Officer
Dr. Ashford holds seven patents on kale-adjacent technologies and was named ‘Most Influential Vegetable Person’ by a magazine she founded. She has a PhD in Cruciferous Sciences from a university she prefers not to name. Her TED Talk, ‘Why You’re Wrong About Lunch,’ has been viewed over 2 million times, mostly by her.
Fun fact: Has not eaten a non-kale vegetable since 2014
Marcus Chen
VP of Leafy Green Distribution
Marcus oversees our nationwide kale distribution network, ensuring every American grocery store dedicates a minimum of 15% of produce real estate to kale and kale accessories. Before joining Cruciferous Holdings, Marcus spent 12 years in logistics. He does not like to talk about the logistics years.
Fun fact: Can identify 47 varieties of kale by smell alone
Dr. Helena Voss
Director, Institute for Advanced Leafy Green Studies
Dr. Voss’s groundbreaking research has conclusively proven that kale is a vegetable, settling a decades-long debate. She is currently leading a 10-year study on whether kale has feelings (preliminary results: ‘probably’). Dr. Voss sleeps in her lab. We have asked her not to. She continues to do so.
Fun fact: Her office contains over 300 framed photos of kale
Bradley Whitmore III
Chief Legal Officer
Bradley joined Cruciferous Holdings after a distinguished career in... let’s move on. He oversees all legal operations including our 24/7 social media monitoring program, our aggressive trademark enforcement division, and something he refers to only as ‘Project Chlorophyll.’ He has asked us to remove this bio. We have declined.
Fun fact: Has filed cease-and-desist letters to 14 TikTok creators this quarter
Diane Rootwell
VP of Public Sentiment
Diane monitors all social media platforms 24/7 for unauthorized opinions about kale. Her team of 200 Sentiment Analysts scours the internet to ensure the kale narrative remains ‘on-brand.’ She coined the phrase ‘Every negative kale comment is a cry for help’ and has it on a mug, a mousepad, and a tattoo.
Fun fact: Knows your IP address (probably)
Our Partners
Organizations that share our commitment to leafy green dominance.
National Superfood Council
GreenVibrations Juice Collective
Americans for Responsible Kale Consumption
The Institute for Advanced Leafy Green Studies
⚠️ NOTICE:We are aware of certain... allegations... circulating on social media platforms. A self-described “chef” operating under a pseudonym has been spreading coordinated misinformation about our industry. Our legal team is monitoring the situation. Our emotional support team is also monitoring the situation. We are fine.