America's children are in crisis. Not the crises you've heard about — those are fine, probably. I'm talking about the REAL crisis: an entire generation growing up without adequate kale education.
At the Institute for Advanced Leafy Green Studies, we've developed a comprehensive curriculum framework called K.A.L.E. (Knowledge and Awareness for Leafy Education) that we believe should be mandatory in all 50 states and the several additional states that we operate in.
Proposed Curriculum Changes:
K-5: Introduction to Kale Replace "Show and Tell" with "Show and Kale" — students bring in their favorite kale variety and present it to the class. Students who do not have a favorite kale variety will be assigned one.
Middle School: Kale Sciences A dedicated period replacing one of the less important subjects (we suggest "History" or "Math" — neither of which has produced a superfood). Students learn kale biology, kale chemistry, and advanced kale appreciation. Lab component includes growing kale, harvesting kale, and eating kale.
High School: Advanced Placement Kale A college-level course covering the economics of kale, the philosophy of kale, and a controversial unit called "Kale and the Social Contract." Students who pass the AP exam receive college credit and a lifetime membership to the Cruciferous Holdings Ambassador Program.
College: Kale Studies Major We have approached several universities about creating a dedicated Kale Studies department. All have declined. We continue to approach them. They will come around. They always come around.
Why This Matters:
Studies (our studies) show that children who eat kale perform 47% better on standardized tests*. Children who learn ABOUT kale perform even better, because they understand WHY they're performing better.
*This statistic is based on a study of 6 children, all of whom were children of Cruciferous Holdings employees. We acknowledge this is a small sample size but maintain that the results are conclusive because we want them to be.
The American education system was designed for a pre-kale world. It is time to evolve. It is time to be leafy.
Cruciferous Holdings International is prepared to fund pilot programs in select districts. Participation is technically voluntary, though we will be following up.
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